Weddings,Babies, barbies and friendships.

Good evening Warriors been a while since I updated the blog but it has been a whirlwind month May with two weddings, the birth of my best friends baby and general keeping up with Jedi.

Where to start well up here in Darwin the weather has changed and we are moving into the gorgeous dry season perfect outdoor weather to run Jedi ragged in the neverending battle to burn up all that energy she seems to extract from me and her father while she sleeps.

With the wedding of my Gorgeous friend Alicia, Jedi has taken an interest in the concept of marriage. Bedtime stories now consist of Princes bringing her fluffy bunnies from far away seas and asking to marry her and they will have lots of babies. I am not mentally prepared to explain to her just yet how babies are really created lets be honest the theory that a stunning lad from across the seas gives you a bunny then babies miracously appear is a nicer story anyway.

This was a convenient explanantion when my bestie had her sweet baby boy a week later, Jedi was very concerned how the baby got in her belly in the first place but forgot about it after some distracting pictures and look how cute he is. What your bestie having a newborn does drum home is how amazing the female body is, to nourish and care for this tiny little human on no sleep and after a mammoth labour is astounding. While it brought back memories in just how tuff those first few days are it also made me stop stand back and appreciatte all life has given me, what a journey so far. I have over the years acquired a beautiful group of friends and they make life so much richer by just being there as we all share our intertwining lives.

So while I am dealing with the general female hormones and all the tears that come with celebrating all these milestones with my favourite women Jedi has been learning about emotions. So now when she is told to pack up or go to bed she aptly tells me I am breaking her heart, by being horribly mean, just for others reference telling her “Ha well sweetheart I will break your heart even more in a minute, if you do not go to bed all your shopkins will go in the bin” will not make her trot off to bed no no no she will just cry and tell Daddy how mean her mummy is and tomorrow she is telling her teacher and I will be in so much trouble.

While on the subject of childrens toys we have reached the BARBIE age, being an only child apparently mummy has to play barbies every weekend for hours and hours, I have tried tag teaming out with daddy but that never lasts, I swear he purpously didn’t play right so now it is all on me. As a result I have a strong dislike for barbies and if they where to all dissappear one night I would not be upset however Jedi may be and that is the only thing stopping me.

Talking of Barbie even after taking her to a playdate to play barbies with her bestie she is still keen to get them out right on dinner time to play. I am off to shot a glass of wine before playing barbie goes on a bustrip (hope I get Ariel)

Happy days Warriors xo


The lazy guide to cake making!!

Warriors good evening, today is Jedi Birthday as such I have had to make a couple of cakes this week. For those with school age kids you will know we get one day a month that all kids with birthdays for the entire month get to bring cakes and treats to school. The logic behind this fails me but alas I stuck to the rules. Being the usual hot mess wtf day of the week mother that I am I realisedat 3pm Tuesday arvie that I needed a cake for Wednesday.

I raced to Woolies Jedi in tow and there was no pre-made cakes so I snooped into the bakery section and alas they make plain sponge cakes 2 of them for 5 bucks, my inner lazy genius realises score I just need to ice it off to the cake aisle and they have premade icing for 3bucks 50 thinking I had it figured I grabbed that and a pack of writing icing, I could almost feel my inner bake off wetting herself in excitement.

So I get home and Jedi informs me she wants a scary cake with slime so here goes:

Step 1: open a corona (thirsty work this)

Step 2:open sponge cakes and place on dinner plate gives it the whole home made vibe 😉

Step 3:pour entire content of pink icing on top and allow Jedi to spread she is then content lixking a spoon for the next few minutes.

Step 4: open premade icing tubes and write some dodgy happy birthday messsage and squeeze on childs name and ta dah a cake that has all that home made specialness 😉

Well after that success I feel pretty impressed with myself. Even gave the thumbs up to the teacher when she tells me how great that homemade cake was 😂 bless her for thinking I have that sort of time.

So two days later it is today actual birthday and hubby is on cake duty. His cake genius skills are even better he comes home with a pack of glazed donuts yes at first I thought WTF but then I wacked out the old dinner plate again and stacked the donuts in all the sugary goodness wacked a candle on top and again ta dah 😃 even easier then before:

Step 1:pour a glass of wine 🍷

Step 2:stack donuts place candle

Step3: drink your  wine cheers to you you cake creating extradionare

So we are through that with a party to go I have outsourced the baking to a clever cupcake queen and delegated myself fairy bread duty much less stress 😄

Now back to wine time happy days warriors xo




School, ballet and coffee!!

2016-02-20 10.51.00Good morning warriors hope you are all doing fabulous. So Jedi has started ballet and she assures me she will be a super ballerina after today 😄 so while she is dancing away I have glorious peace, sipping my coffee in the foyer feeling a bit la dee da this ballet mum suits me hahaha.

We have all settled into school with complete panic and chaos every morning. I am just hoping another parent is going to tell me the magical number of times I have to tell Jedi to get up, eat breakfast and get dressed so we can get out the door quicker.

My mornings at the moment start at 6:30am I put Jedi’s breakfast on the table and ask her to get up, she moans and rolls over then goes back to sleep 15minutes later I am half dressed when she decides to jump up suddenly “mum come on I have school” really child you think I didn’t know that.

She races out to the table sits down and then with complete disgust”I don’t want this I don’t like it” (WHAT you loved it yesterday deep breaths) “too bad that is breakfast”.

She starts eating one sloooowww painful mouthful at a time another 15 minutes pass andshe has eaten three mouthfuls between “hey mum, hey mum,mum hello mummmmmmyyyy” and telling me about some tree house in a hidden forrest.

My hair is not cooperating fuck it I look out the bathroom door and yell “get dressed please darling”, Hang on wtf are you doing she has pulled out all her dvds and is sorting through them on the floor!!!! “Mum can I watch ninja turtles” “No get dressed child” and then….”but why”.

“Please please please get dressed” I give up on my hair throw on the nearest work clothes pack her lunch and bag and think ok let’s go. Turn around to see her naked wtf she was half dressed two minutes ago “I can’t do my buttons” (so you got undressed what in the!! ok breathe 1 2 3 4) ok dress child, brush her hair, out the door fuck socks where are all the fucking socks grab nearest pairs neither of us are wearing matching pairs but it is 7:25am and we need to move.

Right lets go she runs to the car yelling “Run Mum I will be late for school” the audacity OMG ok let’s go!!!

Embrace the chaos warriors xo


But do I have toooo!!!!!

Well I would love to start this off enthusiastically but the “Do I have too” and “But why” blues are in full swing. Just to clarify this isn’t even the little Jedi acting this way it is all MEEEE!!! Being an adult just really sucks sometimes. Getting out of bed and wearing presentable clothes to work is just unbearable DAM it I just want to wear a tiara, odd socks, a tutu and scream at people “YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME, I AM THE BOSS, THE MOON IS DOWN THE SUN IS UP TIME TO PLAY” (These are direct quotes from Jedi that I enviously wish to use).

Instead I dress appropriately and go about my day being as adult (within reason) as I can be until I get home. I then use my daughter as an excuse to put my hair in pigtails and pretend to be a puppy for an hour playing, wake up doggy wake up now. WHY because it’s fun dam it why do we lose all imagination and wonder when we grow up. Instead of relishing in adventures and new discoveries we get about all trying to be as natural and responsible as we can be. I remember blaming becoming a new parent for my zombie like behaviour and YES sleep deprivation played a massive part, however maybe I did forget about the wonder in the world for a small amount of time.

Today as I was doing afternoon pick up I looked longingly at all the arts and crafts Jedi got to do at care today and was jealous YEP straight up jealous. I really wanted to sit down and make myself a pasta necklace and just glue some paper together because it is fun dam it. Might even paint some stuff including my shirt my hair and my shoes for fun. I snapped out of it quickly though as Jedi came bounding out a thousand miles an hour telling me all about her day.

I know I need to set a good example and all the rest, but it really seems to me that the 5 year olds of the world have it more together then most adults at times. They may not be able to drive themselves anywhere or pay the bills but they can make a decision without it taking twenty meetings, a report and a how to self help book.

For example something as simple as what to have for lunch takes me 15 minutes of staring at the fridge followed by ughh I will just buy something. Jedi makes that decision between packing her bag and putting her shoes on yoghurt, carrot, banana and cruskits please. she plays because she wants to, she has a rest because she wants to, she holds my hand at random times because she wants to, all her decisions are dictated by the simple rule of I like it, it’s fun or because I want too!! WOOAH  that simple hey, well maybe we should let pre-schoolers make all the big decisions!! (WARNING I am Joking DO NOT let them make the big decisions)

On the plus I am learning from the Jedi she is easing the sleep deprivation and now showing me all the things I was missing. The pretend fairies hiding in the garden, the fun in dancing in the lounge, the squishy fun of play doh through your hands. She opens my eyes to the world in a way I never could have done with my adult eyes. So while I may be feeling the back to work and exhaustion blues I will get over it soon enough. Now I am off to bed to dream of running through the halls at work screaming I am off to the magical forrest while dressed in a dinosaur costume =) Happy days warriors xo





The deed after children 😉

This one is more for the parents…. mmm how do I approach this subject, I have heard it explained as “getting it on” , “making luuurrrvveee”, “making babies” etcetera however we all know I am talking about sex and well how it changes once you become a parent.

In the beginning it is not so bad as long as your not picturing 50 shades action more along the lines of spew and milk stained clothes, unpredictable boobs that spray milk at the most unromantic times and to be interrupted by a crying child right at the “don’t stop” moment.

I say not so bad at that stage as not so much time has passed since the romantic days of those long loving nights when you concieved (and your child can’t open doors yet!)

Once you move into the toddler years it becomes a game. Something along the lines of: As your spouse walks out of the shower and asks is the child asleep yet, you reply “yes” in your most sexy voice (you are laying on the bed in your most unstained tshirt and granny jocks).

You see the glow in your spouses eye as they all of a sudden they start walking with a bounce in their step.
I call this the parent seduction dance, picture an elephant walking along swinging their trunk while strutting like a rooster. Seeing the signal you sit up and do your best come here stud look (picture messy hair winking eye and pointing to your tits like wow look at these to distract them from the black rings around your eyes.)

You both say at the same time “Is the door locked” oh it’s on tonight he quickly bounds towards the door before returning to the bed, you both know this needs to happen quickly or not at all as you rememeber the washing needs to be moved to the dryer. DAM IT looks like I will be rewashing that load again!!!!

But before you all get to excited I will stop there we all know what happens next😜

Let’s be honest these days will pass the little ones will grow up and leave and you will have all the time in the world for eachother, but until then take the time to enjoy the rushed stolen moments. One day you will look back and laugh!!Happy days warriors xo


Mission school possible 004!

WOW just WOW this morning little jedi had her boss boots on and executed the perfect plan to drive mummy to the brink and wheel me back in again.

It commenced at 7 when I asked little jedi to please get up and get ready for school this was met by her doona over the head and “I am tired”.I quickly realise this means it’s time for my mission boots to go on, deep breath and go go go!!!

(Insert Bond music) Mission 1 get child moving:
After asking 20 times, removing the doona,opening the curtains, tickling her feet she spontaneously Jedi jumps up wide awake “OK MUMMY WAKE UP TIME”. Excuse me I obviously forgot you were waiting for 7:15 precisely to get up we are now running behind.

Mission 2 breakfast:
Enter kitchen I grab out some peaches and yoghurt which little jedi points to and says “no disgusting I want this” as she holds up a tin of sardines and rice crackers, we argue for ten minutes before she decides she wants yoghurt and peaches (fancy that). She sits at table in her underwear eating at the pace of a sedated turtle aghhhhh! I run to the bathroom get changed into work clothes and brush hair in record time it is now 7:40!!! In the 1 minute I have been gone Jedi got sidetracked and now has her dinosaur cards out I ask her to finish her breakfast to which she replies, “Hang on just looking”.

I am moving between deep breaths and honey darling sweetheart please get dressed begging. She decides she doesn’t want breakfast now and would like assistance getting dressed.

Commence mission 3 dress child:
Jedi believes it should be free dress day I inform her it isn’t and a mini meltdown commences she then agrees to wear her uniform before we start hair after asking me continuously for an Elsa braid it is in a ponytail after she has taken her hairtie out for the third time and I am moving out the door.

Commence mission 4 get to car: She has one foot out the door when she decides she simply must wear her rainbow shoes instead of her black shoes today. This is her last ditch effort to push mummy to the brink I sigh loudly in defeat and start to move into bribery mode when I see a smile move across her face as she laughs just tricking puts her shoes on and runs to the car yelling hurry up mummy!!! I jam some tissues under my sweaty arms and head for the car mission accomplished and it is only monday!! Have a great week parenting warriors xo


Where it all started!!

This one is a bit more serious than my usual blogs, but I was asked today why do I write a blog, I gave my standard answer of just for shits and giggles, but kept the real reason to myself.

In my own way I have always felt the best way to express frustrations and address things that worry me is to try to laugh them off. Even if this means writing a humerous blog while I sit on the recliner in my underwear avoiding the folding pile and the dishes after a work day this is just what I do.

So thinking back now to just how my parenting journey began, I feel even more the need to put it out there.When I had my child I spent the first four months completely confused I would cry alot, it was a mix of wow this little human is perfect and we created her to OMG I am awful at this what am I doing wrong.I found it hard and I have no issue in admitting it was hard, I eventually found my feet at around the 6 month mark with a supportive group of moms who were worth their weight in gold for the first 12 months.

I made a decision to return to work, I had an 8 month old baby obviously sleep deprived and thought it was reasonable to return to work fulltime. It was much earlier then expected but I was walking the tightrope between career and mother.

I was disappointed with how I was as a mother I had always visioned myself being the cook everything from scratch, follow the parenting books and raise a genius type of mum.

It could not be further from what I was or am I was kidding myself for even thinking I would be that. I had never even been a cook from scratch type of girl or domesticated by any means. When I met my eventual husband I was a ruff and tuff ringer who could not cook rice let alone anything else.

So here I was with a baby girl who refused to sleep, I lived off copious amounts of caffeine and would quite readily load the trolley with pre made baby food, canned food and stuff that could be heated in the microwave if need be.

I found I always second guessed myself then it happened a light bulb moment. No why should I be disappointed with myself look at this amazing little human she is happy healthy and doesn’t judge me at all, I started joking with friends about how it really is and quickly came to realise most of us are in the same boat. We all have left the washing build, fed our children two minute noodles and been so sleep deprived we started thinking the Wiggles could actually be a great rock band in that big red shiny car.

So I stopped listening to the self-appointed experts and decided to parent my way and share it with those who at some point may need to laugh and say OMG this could be me.

It worked I saw that yes it is hilarious that I have had dirty diapers thrown at me, tantrums in the shopping centre and been out maneuvered on too many to count occasions by my child, but that is ok.

I stopped for a while but now I know how much it helped me to reach out put my hand up and say parenting is the tuffest gig so far that is why I am writing again.

If out of all this all that results is I lay all my mistakes out for people to judge I hope at one point I also get a smile.

Happy days parenting warriors xo